The Blog

Reading & gentle guidance

Clear, compassionate articles on vaginismus — understanding what’s happening, practical dilator guidance, support for partners, and the feelings that come with it. Written from years in clinic, without shame or pressure.

Start Here

Start Here

What is vaginismus?

First of all, take a breath. What it is, in plain language.

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Understanding

Understanding

Can't use a tampon? What it might mean

If a tampon simply won't go in — you are not doing it wrong.

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Understanding

5 common misconceptions about vaginismus

Clearing up what women are so often wrongly told.

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Understanding

Why does it burn when I try to have sex?

The real explanations behind that burning feeling.

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Understanding

Can fear cause physical pain?

Yes — and understanding how is freeing.

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Understanding

Is vaginismus always a problem?

The question that matters most is yours to answer.

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Understanding

When women first discover the word

For many, finding the word is when it all makes sense.

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Understanding

A holistic approach to vaginismus

Why it helps to gently address mind and body together.

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Understanding

Vaginismus is more than a muscle spasm

It touches identity, relationships and self-worth.

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Understanding

Never had penetrative sex because it hurts?

You are far from alone, and nothing is wrong with you.

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Understanding

Can you get pregnant with vaginismus?

A question full of worry, answered gently and clearly.

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Understanding

"I can't feel him during sex"

What reduced sensation might mean — and what helps.

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Understanding

Why is it so hard to work through?

If it were willpower, you'd be there already.

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Practical Guidance

Practical Guidance

Which dilator size should I start with?

Why the thinnest is rarely the right place to begin.

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Practical Guidance

Afraid to start vaginal dilators?

The fear of starting is often bigger than the first step.

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Practical Guidance

Inserting your first dilator: step by step

A calm walk-through, including the knocking technique.

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Practical Guidance

Getting past the first insertion

When you reach a point and freeze — how to move beyond it.

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Practical Guidance

Going up in dilator sizes without fear

How to progress gradually, so confidence grows.

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Practical Guidance

Struggling to dilate while sitting?

Position matters more than most women are told.

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Feelings & Mindset

Feelings & Mindset

"I can't do dilating"

For when it feels impossible. You're not the exception.

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Feelings & Mindset

Why do I panic before sex?

When dread arrives before anything has happened.

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Feelings & Mindset

Should you work through it? A personal decision

No 'should' here — only what's right for you.

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Feelings & Mindset

What do you actually want?

Before the 'how', a quieter, freeing question.

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Feelings & Mindset

"I want to be intimate, but my body says no"

The painful gap between desire and the body's response.

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Feelings & Mindset

"I don't even think I want to"

Ambivalence is allowed. You owe no one your motivation.

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Feelings & Mindset

Longing for what you don't know

Can you want something you've never experienced?

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Feelings & Mindset

Why it feels like a lion's den

Why the fear feels so total — and what's behind it.

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Relationships

Relationships

Dating with vaginismus: should you tell him?

When, whether and how to share — without fear leading.

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Relationships

My girlfriend has vaginismus — what can I do?

Practical guidance for partners who want to help.

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Relationships

My partner has vaginismus — a partner's guide

How to be a true companion through this, as a team.

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Relationships

Helping a partner with fear of penetration

An empathetic, practical guide to supporting them.

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Relationships

"She freezes when we're close"

For the partner who wants to understand the freeze.

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Examinations & Tests

Examinations & Tests

Facing a gynaecological examination

How to make the exam feel possible, and stay in control.

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Examinations & Tests

Preparing for a Pap test

Gentle preparation that makes screening manageable.

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A Calm Place

A Calm Place

A gentle breath to calm the pelvic floor

The simple 4-2-6 rhythm I teach for easing tension.

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For Professionals

For Professionals

Recognising vaginismus in your patients

A note for fellow clinicians: the signs, and how to refer.

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When you’re ready to begin

Understanding is the first step. Lasting change comes from gentle, structured practice — at your own pace, in private. The book to understand it; the app to walk it, day by day.