Why Is It So Hard to Overcome Vaginismus — And Who Can You Trust to Help?

By Dr. Julia Reeve

If you are struggling with vaginismus — whether quietly or desperately — you are not alone. And you are not broken. There are real neurological and psychological reasons why overcoming vaginismus can feel so difficult. And there is a structured way forward.

For more than 30 years, I have worked with women experiencing vaginismus. I have seen the silence, the frustration, the tears — and the strength it takes to seek help. Let’s look at why this condition can be so hard to overcome.

Why Is Vaginismus So Difficult to Overcome?

1. Because Vaginismus Is Not Just Physical

Vaginismus is experienced in the body — tight pelvic floor muscles, pain during penetration, panic, or a shutting-down response. But at its core, it is a fear-based reflex.

The nervous system perceives penetration as a threat and automatically tightens the pelvic floor muscles. Fear does not respond to logic. You cannot simply “relax” your way out of it. If that were possible, most women would already be healed.

This is why many medical approaches fail. They treat the symptom, not the pattern. The brain and body must relearn safety.

2. Because Many Women Are Misdiagnosed or Dismissed

Unfortunately, vaginismus is still poorly understood in many medical settings. Women are often told to “use more lubricant,” “have a glass of wine,” or that the issue is “just psychological.” Others are handed dilators without emotional guidance.

When treatment feels rushed, cold, or invalidating, trust breaks down. And without trust, progress becomes harder.

3. Because Shame and Silence Reinforce the Pattern

Vaginismus often thrives in isolation. Many women do not speak openly about it — sometimes not even with their partners. This silence can reinforce fear and avoidance.

The truth is that vaginismus is far more common than most women realise. Intelligent, capable, successful women experience it — and many overcome it with the right approach.

Who Can You Trust for Vaginismus Treatment?

Not every practitioner understands the complexity of vaginismus. Effective vaginismus treatment requires safety, gentleness, and experience in both physical and psychological care.

When seeking help, consider asking:

• Does this practitioner understand vaginismus as both a pelvic floor and nervous system condition?
• Do they address the fear response, not just the muscles?
• Do I feel safe, respected, and unjudged?
• Can I progress at my own pace?

Structured, Private Support — If and When You Are Ready

I have created a structured, step-by-step online program called The Vaginismus Zone — a private space where you can learn how to retrain the reflex, rebuild trust in your body, and move forward without pressure.

If you are still clarifying your symptoms, you may begin with the e-book Self Assessment of Vaginismus . It can be a safe starting point.

You are not too complicated. You are not too far gone. You are not alone.

Healing is possible — even if it feels impossible right now.

Dr. Julia Reeve