“I Can’t Do Dilating” She said, “I want to overcome vaginismus… But I can’t do that thing with the dilators. Just thinking about it makes me panic.”
She felt stuck. Because everyone said “just use dilators” — like it was easy. But for her, it wasn’t. Her body said: no way. Shut down. Full fear mode. Not doing it.
I told her: “You’re not alone. That fear is part of vaginismus. But there’ is a way to approach dilating that’s different. Gentle. Trauma-aware. Step by step. Finding that fine line where fear stars to creep in. No pushing. No pressure. Just progress you can actually handle.”
And slowly… it stopped being terrifying. She started small. Safe. And her body began to say: maybe.
She’s still on the journey — but she’s no longer stuck. She’s learning how to work with her body, not against it.
If you’re scared of dilating too… Let me invite you to The Vaginismus Zone. Private, soft guidance. No pressure. Just the support you need — exactly where you are.
Gentle next steps
When you’re ready, two quiet ways to begin
Understanding is the first step. The rest comes from gentle, steady practice — at your own pace, in private, with a companion by your side.
The Vaginismus Book
A gentle, science-based guide to understanding what’s happening and why. “Knowledge removes fear.” In English and German.
The TVZ App
Your private, step-by-step dilator companion. Follow a gentle 9-stage path, log each practice, and build confidence at your own pace. Everything stays on your phone.
‘Can’t yet’ is not ‘never’ — and you’re allowed to start impossibly small.
Warmly,
Dr Julia Reeve
Gynaecologist · Psychotherapist · Sexologist · Author of The Vaginismus Book
Dr Julia Reeve
Gynaecologist, psychotherapist and sexologist based in Amsterdam, with over thirty years working with women experiencing vaginismus. Author of The Vaginismus Book and creator of the TVZ dilator companion app.
This article is for general information and education. It is not a substitute for individual medical advice. If you have persistent pain or distress, please see a qualified healthcare professional.