How do I know if I have vaginismus?

Signs, Symptoms, and What You Can Do Today — Without Shame or Fear

If you’re here reading this, chances are you’ve felt that something isn’t quite right when it comes to intimacy or inserting anything vaginally — a tampon, a finger, or during intercourse. Maybe you’ve googled phrases like “why does it hurt to have sex?” or “my body won't let him in.” You might even feel fear or dread before intimacy, even though you want to be close.

Let me say this clearly: You are not alone, and there’s a name for what you may be experiencing — vaginismus.
And no, nothing is “wrong” with you.

What Is Vaginismus?

Vaginismus is a pelvic floor condition where the muscles around the vagina contract or clamp shut involuntarily — often in response to fear, anticipation, or past trauma. This can make any kind of penetration painful, difficult, or outright impossible.

Importantly, vaginismus is not a choice, a flaw, or a reflection of your desire. It’s your body trying to protect you, even when you consciously want to be intimate. This reflex is often misunderstood, even by professionals — which is why so many women go undiagnosed for years.

Common Signs You May Have Vaginismus

Every woman experiences it differently, but these signs are worth paying attention to:

• A feeling of tightness, burning, or pain when trying to insert a tampon, finger, dilator, or penis

• Fear, panic, or a “wall-like” sensation during attempted penetration

• Being told by a doctor that you're “too tense” or that “nothing is physically wrong”

• Avoidance of gynecological exams out of anxiety or past traumatic experiences

• A sense of disconnect — you want sex emotionally, but your body doesn’t allow it

If you’ve experienced any of the above, it’s worth looking into vaginismus as a possibility.

Is It Definitely Vaginismus?

(A Note on Differential Diagnosis)

Before jumping to conclusions, it’s also important to rule out other medical causes of painful sex. These might include:

• Vestibulodynia (pain at the entrance of the vagina)

• Vaginal infections (such as yeast infections or bacterial vaginosis)

• Hormonal changes (especially after childbirth or during menopause)

• Lichen sclerosus or other dermatological conditions

• Endometriosis or deep pelvic pain conditions

That’s why I always recommend starting with a gentle, informed medical professional — or, if you're not ready to speak with someone, starting with a private self-assessment from a trusted source.

You Can Begin This Journey Privately

Because I know how hard it can be to talk about this — even with a doctor — I’ve created a private program for you. The Vaginismus Zone.

You Are Not Alone — And You’re Not Broken

Vaginismus affects millions of women — often silently. Whether you’ve struggled with it for months or years, please know: it’s treatable. Your body can relearn safety. With the right support, education, and step-by-step desensitization techniques, intimacy can become enjoyable, pain-free, and empowering again.

As a gynaecologist, psychotherapist, and sexologist, I’ve helped women from all walks of life reclaim their bodies and confidence — without shame, without rushing, and without invasive treatments.

And I want to help you do the same.

What to Do Next

If this post resonates with you, here are three gentle next steps:

1. Start your journey for free with module 1 

2. Join The Vaginismus Zone — a safe space with resources, coaching, and support.
   Learn more here

3. Book a 30-minute session with me if you’re ready for personalized guidance.
   Book now

You’re already taking the first brave step by seeking answers. And I’m here to walk beside you.

Warmly,
Dr. Julia Reeve
Gynaecologist | Psychotherapist | Sexologist
Author of The Vaginismus Book