Why Overcoming Vaginismus Feels Like Jumping Into a Lion’s Den

If you live with vaginismus, you already know that the thought of penetration can feel completely overwhelming. People around you might say, “Just relax,” or “It can’t hurt that much.” But to your brain, penetration doesn’t feel like a small challenge. It feels like stepping into a lion’s den.

Imagine being told to jump into a cage full of lions, or leap from an airplane without a parachute, or throw yourself off a 30-story building. Would you do it? Of course not. Every part of your body would scream “No!” That’s what the amygdala — the fear center of the brain — does when you have vaginismus.

The Amygdala Hijack: Why Fear Feels Like Life or Death

The amygdala is an ancient part of our brain designed to keep us alive. It doesn’t think in logic or reason; it only knows danger. When it senses a threat, it triggers survival mode. Muscles tighten, the heart races, breathing changes — the body prepares to fight or flee.

For women with vaginismus, the amygdala has learned to see penetration as a life-threatening danger. Even if your rational mind knows you are safe, your body reacts as if you are about to be attacked. This is called an amygdala hijack — when the fear response overrides everything else.

That’s why vaginismus isn’t simply “in your head” or a matter of willpower. It is your brain’s emergency alarm system firing off in the wrong situation. And once triggered, it is incredibly hard to switch off.

Why Courage Alone Isn’t Enough

Sufferers of vaginismus are some of the bravest women I have ever met. To even attempt penetration means facing what your body believes is a threat to your life. The courage required is enormous — far greater than most people realize.

But courage on its own doesn’t quiet the amygdala. Just as no one would trust a stranger promising to catch them if they jumped off a cliff, your brain doesn’t believe that penetration will be safe. It takes more than reassurance — it takes retraining the brain.

Rewriting the Brain’s Program

The good news is that the amygdala can learn. Neuroplasticity — the brain’s ability to rewire itself — makes change possible. Step by step, women can show their amygdala that penetration is not a threat.

This process is similar to rewriting a faulty computer program. The old code says: “Penetration = danger.” With the right methods, gentle exposure, and consistent practice, the new code becomes: “Penetration = safe.”

This doesn’t happen overnight. It requires guidance, patience, and often professional support. But it is possible. I’ve seen countless women move from total shutdown to living with intimacy, confidence, and freedom.

The First Step Forward

If vaginismus feels like a lion’s den to you, please know this: your fear is real, but it is not the truth. The amygdala is mistaken. And with the right tools, it can be taught differently.

Your journey does not begin with a giant leap. It begins with the smallest, safest steps to calm the alarm system and teach your body a new response.

That’s what I specialize in — helping women break free from the amygdala hijack and step into a new story.

💜 If this resonates, explore more resources inside The Vaginismus Zone  or read my self-help books for practical steps forward.