When women first discover the word vaginismus, a flood of questions often follows. Some feel instant relief: āFinally, thereās a name for what Iāve been experiencing.ā Others feel fear: āDo I really have this condition? What does it mean for my life?ā
But one question quietly underlies everything:
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When people hear the word vaginismus, they often assume it is always something terrible, something that must urgently be ācured.ā But that isnāt true for every woman. Over my 30+ years as a gynaecologist, psychotherapist, and sexologist, Iāve met many women with vaginismus ā and each one has had her...
If you live with vaginismus, you already know that the thought of penetration can feel completely overwhelming. People around you might say, āJust relax,ā or āIt canāt hurt that much.ā But to your brain, penetration doesnāt feel like a small challenge. It feels like stepping into a lionās den.
Imag...
For many women with vaginismus, the very first step ā inserting the smallest dilator ā feels like standing at the base of a mountain. Itās not just about a piece of medical-grade silicone or plastic; itās about facing fear, letting go of tension, and allowing yourself to trust your own body again. I...
For many women with vaginismus, the idea of a Pap test can feel overwhelming. The fear isnāt just about the procedure itself, but about losing control, being surprised, or experiencing pain. Over the years Iāve seen countless women who postponed their cervical screening because of this fear ā and wh...
āI Feel Like Half a Womanā ā Vaginismus and Self-Worth
One of the most painful thoughts many women with vaginismus share with me is: āI feel like Iām only half a woman.ā
If youāve ever had this thought, please know you are not alone. When intimacy feels impossible, when fear or pain block you from...
How to Get Past the First Insertion of a Dilator (or Finger) with Vaginismus
For many women living with vaginismus, the idea of inserting even the smallest dilator, or even a finger, can feel terrifying. You might have bought a set of dilators, unwrapped them, and then thought: I canāt do this. It ...
Why Is Sex Important? Canāt a Relationship Be Just Platonic?
When living with vaginismus, many women ask themselves a difficult question: āWhy is sex even important? Why canāt it be normal to have a platonic relationship?ā
Itās a brave and honest question. If sex feels painful, frightening, or imp...
Itās one of the most emotionally raw, physically frustrating, and often invisible experiences a woman can face: you want to be close, but your body wonāt let you. Not out of choice ā but because the second anything comes near your vulva or vaginal entrance, your muscles clamp down. Your heart races....
š She Froze When I Touched Her ā A Vaginismus Partner's Guide to Understanding & Supporting
By Dr. Julia Reeve
Gynaecologist | Psychotherapist | Sexologist
Author of The Vaginismus Book
āShe says she loves meā¦ so why does she push me away?ā
If you're in a relationship with someone who has vagin...
Letās talk about something that so many women experience ā but almost no one talks about: vaginismus.
And no, itās not āall in your headā or just about sex.
Iām Doctor Julia Reeve ā a gynaecologist, psychotherapist, and sexologist ā and hereās how I explain vaginismus:
Itās not your body bein...
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