When women first discover the word vaginismus, a flood of questions often follows. Some feel instant relief: “Finally, there’s a name for what I’ve been experiencing.” Others feel fear: “Do I really have this condition? What does it mean for my life?”
But one question quietly underlies everything:
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When people hear the word vaginismus, they often assume it is always something terrible, something that must urgently be “cured.” But that isn’t true for every woman. Over my 30+ years as a gynaecologist, psychotherapist, and sexologist, I’ve met many women with vaginismus — and each one has had her...
If you live with vaginismus, you already know that the thought of penetration can feel completely overwhelming. People around you might say, “Just relax,” or “It can’t hurt that much.” But to your brain, penetration doesn’t feel like a small challenge. It feels like stepping into a lion’s den.
Imag...
For many women with vaginismus, the very first step — inserting the smallest dilator — feels like standing at the base of a mountain. It’s not just about a piece of medical-grade silicone or plastic; it’s about facing fear, letting go of tension, and allowing yourself to trust your own body again. I...
“I Feel Like Half a Woman” — Vaginismus and Self-Worth
One of the most painful thoughts many women with vaginismus share with me is: “I feel like I’m only half a woman.”
If you’ve ever had this thought, please know you are not alone. When intimacy feels impossible, when fear or pain block you from...
How to Get Past the First Insertion of a Dilator (or Finger) with Vaginismus
For many women living with vaginismus, the idea of inserting even the smallest dilator, or even a finger, can feel terrifying. You might have bought a set of dilators, unwrapped them, and then thought: I can’t do this. It ...
Why Is Sex Important? Can’t a Relationship Be Just Platonic?
When living with vaginismus, many women ask themselves a difficult question: “Why is sex even important? Why can’t it be normal to have a platonic relationship?”
It’s a brave and honest question. If sex feels painful, frightening, or imp...
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