When the Path to Healing Feels Too Hard: How to Stay on Track When You Want to Give Up

Have you ever had one of those days when you’ve been trying your best — eating better, moving more, committing to your healing — and suddenly the scale goes up instead of down?

Or maybe you’ve been doing your daily dilator practice with full effort, only to feel like you’re not progressing. Perhaps you even felt more discomfort today than yesterday. And at that moment, something switches inside you. You hear that little voice:
"What’s the point? This isn’t working. Why even bother?"

Sound familiar?

Whether your goal is to lose weight, heal from vaginismus, rebuild your confidence, or start something new, one truth remains:

The path to meaningful change is rarely linear.
Every baby step counts.
Real change happens between the setbacks.

It doesn’t go like this: try harder → feel better → succeed forever.

Instead, it looks more like this:
Try → fail a bit → make progress → stall → want to give up → keep going → succeed slowly.

And that middle bit — the part where you want to give up — that’s where the real transformation happens. Not in the success itself, but in choosing to not let the difficult moments define your outcome.
You start to understand yourself better and observe what helps and what doesn't.

Why Your Mind Tries to Sabotage You

When we experience a setback — whether it’s the number on the scale going up or our body tensing up during dilation — our brain interprets that as a threat to our effort. That survival-based part of your brain, the amygdala, kicks in and says:
“See? It’s not working. Let’s retreat. Let’s go back to what’s safe. Let’s go back to what’s comfortable.”

For someone trying to lose weight, that might look like falling back into old eating patterns. Oh yeah, most of us have experienced that!

For someone with vaginismus, that might mean hiding the dilators in a drawer and telling yourself, “I’ll try again next week.” Or finding other reasons why not to dilate - I have heard: I was so tired, work was hectic, I had my period again - by the way Gynies make note of when your last period was :-), or we had visitors.... the list is long.

But here's the thing: these moments don’t mean you’ve failed. They mean you’re in process. They’re evidence that you are stepping outside your comfort zone — and your brain is resisting because that’s its job: to keep you “safe” from the unknown.

The good news? You can gently teach it otherwise.

The Danger of the “All or Nothing” Mentality

One of the biggest mindset traps I see (and have personally fallen into) is this idea that if we’re not seeing constant progress, it’s a sign that the process doesn’t work — or that we don’t work.

In reality, this is what growth often looks like:

• ⬇️ Some days you move forward

• ⬆️ Some days you stall or even go backwards

• 🌀 But each time you recommit, you’re building new neural pathways — slowly and steadily

Let’s say you’ve been working hard at your dilation routine, and then you go on holiday, get sick, or just have a few off days. You miss a few sessions. Then shame kicks in. You might feel like you have to start from scratch, so you avoid starting at all.

But healing doesn’t restart from zero. Your nervous system remembers. Your body remembers.

Just like with weight loss: skipping one workout or eating off-plan for a day isn’t failure. The only true failure is stopping forever. And even then, you can still pick it up again.

What Helps When You Feel Like Giving Up?

So what do you do when your brain says:
“It’s too hard. This isn’t working. Just quit.”

Here’s what I recommend — whether you’re trying to lose weight, overcome vaginismus, or build any new habit:

1. Zoom Out: Remember the Why!

Don’t just focus on the scale or the dilator size. Ask yourself:

• Why did I start?

• What kind of life do I want?

• How will I feel when I reach this goal?

Reconnect with your deeper why. Put reminders where you can see them. Write yourself a love letter from your future self who has succeeded.

2. Track Progress Beyond Numbers

Not all progress can be measured. Some signs of healing and success look like:

• Feeling less anxious before a dilation session

• Not thinking about food all the time

• Saying “no” without guilt

• Sleeping better

• Crying less often

Celebrate those things too.

3. Talk to Yourself Like a Friend

Would you say to your best friend, “You’re a failure because the scale went up”? Or, “You’re hopeless because you couldn’t insert the dilator today”?

Of course not. You’d probably say, “This is hard, but you’re doing great. Don’t give up now.”

Be that voice for yourself.

4. Build in Accountability

Having someone to cheer you on — or just check in — can be a game-changer. Whether it’s a coach, a WhatsApp group, a trusted friend, or even an online community, accountability helps you stay committed when motivation drops.

Inside The Vaginismus Zone, I’ve seen firsthand how just knowing you’re not alone can make it easier to keep going.

5. Redefine Success

Success doesn’t mean being perfect. Success means showing up for yourself over and over again.

Even when it's hard.
Even when you don’t feel like it.
Even when progress is invisible.

6. Keep a Journal
- I'm working on a beautiful Dilating Journal to share with you soon!

You’re Not Broken — You’re Becoming

Every time you feel like giving up and choose to keep going, you’re rewiring your brain.

You're not “failing” — you’re learning.

You're not “behind” — you’re becoming.

The scale will eventually move. The dilation sessions will get easier. The fear will slowly shrink. But only if you stay on the path.

So today, if you’re tired, if you’re discouraged, if you feel like giving up… take this as your sign to keep going. Gently. Compassionately. And consistently.

You don’t need to be perfect.

You just need to keep showing up.

Want Support While You Heal?

If you're working through vaginismus, and you're looking for a safe, step-by-step place to learn, practice, and get encouragement — join me in The Vaginismus Zone. You'll get access to my full online course, guides, live support, and more.

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You're not alone. And you don’t have to do this perfectly — just consistently.